Part Two of the It Starts Within series features Bronwen Goodbar, a wellness and lifestyle blogger. Her blog, All Kinds Of Me, focuses on how to manage modern day anxiety, stress and perfectionism. She celebrates positivity, self-confidence and embracing the imperfect you.
Why Confidence and Charisma Are the Ultimate Accessory to Any Outfit
by Bronwen Goodbar
Why is it that when we see a beautiful girl on the street or on social media, we lust over her look? Sometimes it’s her outfit, the way her hair falls or the shade of lipstick she’s wearing. Other times it’s because we genuinely like the shade of color, pattern or design, but most of the time there’s something more.
When you drill down into it, you’ll find that it’s not the outfits themselves that draw us in, but the way these girls wear them – that classy, beautiful, sexy and charismatic presence. It’s their confidence that amplifies and enhances their outfit which makes us so damn envious of them and leaving us wanting what they have.
Some people can ooze charisma and confidence subconsciously, but the good news is that no one is born this way! Even the most beautiful and fashionable girls suffer from a lack of confidence and a host of insecurities. One of the biggest myths about charisma and confidence is that you don’t need to be ridiculously attractive, extremely extroverted, or even change your personality to be someone you’re not. Like an instrument or language, these traits will only get better the more you practice.
However, there is one barrier that prevents us from achieving that sass - our state of mind. Things like self-doubt, anxiety, frustration, self-consciousness, negativity and not feeling good enough all impact how we come across to others, regardless of what outfits we try to mask it with! That’s why charisma and confidence are the ultimate fashion accessory to enhance any outfit, and there are a few ways you can achieve this instantly:
Be Conscious of Your Body Language
Confidence is an inside job. The way we hold ourselves dictates subconsciously how we feel about ourselves and sets the bar for how others will perceive us. You could be wearing the most beautiful outfit, yet if you’re not owning it through how you hold yourself no one will take you seriously. By tweaking your body language slightly such as adjusting your posture or keeping your chin up and smiling, you’ll instill a sense of confidence within yourself that others will pick up on instantly. However, this is NOT about being the loudest, most extroverted person in the room or trying to be someone that you’re not. That is not what confidence is, and it is definitely not charismatic – people can see right through that. It’s about changing the way you speak to yourself, quietly knowing your value, and then enhancing this externally through how you express yourself with your own unique style. This is what makes people turn to you for inspiration and advice, because they see the whole picture - style AND confidence.
"Things like self-doubt, anxiety, frustration, self-consciousness, negativity and not feeling good enough all impact how we come across to others, regardless of what outfits we try to mask it with!"
Be the Kindness You Want to See in the World
While confidence is an inside job, true charisma is an outside job because it is based on how we make other people feel. When you’re out socializing, focus 100% of your attention on whoever you are with. Listen intently, ask questions and make them feel like the only person in the world (and never EVER check your phone mid-conversation!!) Share your warmth by smiling and laughing often, give genuine compliments (not shallow flattery) and remember people’s names and stories so you can ask next time you see them. And above all, show your gratitude, have compassion and don’t judge others because they are different. These small daily tweaks take minimal effort but speak volumes about who you are as a person and don’t go unnoticed. People might not remember the specific outfits items you wore, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
Be Present by Living Sensually
Confident and charismatic people are present. Dwelling on the past and anxiously awaiting the future is mentally draining and takes away from your inner glow. Make yourself more present by drawing your attention to your sensuality and heightening all your senses. Are you eating? Try to identify every taste and texture that you can possibly find. What can you smell? Is it pleasant? How many words can you describe it with? Can you feel or touch anything? What is its texture and temperature? By tapping into your senses in any moment you are allowing yourself to live in the present, which will exude a sensuality that people will be drawn to and want to be around!
Fashion enables us to express ourselves, enhance our personality and influence how we want to be perceived by others. If we work on our confidence a little bit every day and improve our charisma by focusing on how we make others feel, that will lead others to you for inspiration, regardless of what outfit you wear!